I don't know what overcame me, but it was so overwhelming and unexpected. One minute I was skipping up that 4o over steps going to that familiar house that used to be my second home, next I'm standing in a queue of a potluck party, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous that I am at the verge of sobbing.
I walked into the house and how strange is it to find a place completely different yet exactly the same at the same time? I was standing in the circular area next to what used to be the living room TV looking out into where a pond was. I thought about the days we used to have tuition in here, and watch cartoons together afterwards. Oh and also, spinning to the broken gym cycling machine. It surprised me that I could remember exactly the way it used to look like, this was the first time I've been in that house after she's moved out 3 or 4 years ago.
She didn't understand a word I was saying when I called her on the phone, squatting at the very gate I used to squat at when I was locked out of my own house. Haha, don't worry, I'm not weird. I squat by those drains to avoid the scorching sun while I was back then in my scratchy school uniform, waiting for her maid to come get the door. Anyways, it's pink now, not the familiar white anymore.
btw tert, this is ur pink gate LOL
At this point I was laughing and crying at the same time, I told her I miss her, and gave her a little update on how I was feeling lately - emotionally unstable. It's not that I'm depressed and confused. I really can't place the feeling, it's so odd. It's like I'm feeling really inspired at times, and it's days like that that I really have faith and things. I didn't have to come till today to realise how precious our friendship is, and how easily things can pick up from where we left off, how even though we've changed so much or disagree with each other's perspective, our support for each other is still rock solid.
After the supposedly potluck rukun tetangga ss19 party, I went to join aunty jackie and some Bilden friends for drinks at JayaOne. By the time I've already forgotten about my camera, obviously. But it's a nice place to chill nevertheless, and I'll make up the lack of pictures with a stolen link of review :p
It's only today that I found out that she and I have the same dream about UNICEF. This sort of proves that it was no mistake at all putting her down as my reference in my CV. lol. Well, then again, she's more of a godmother to us Bilden students I feel, not just a reference. Everytime during our sharing sessions we learn alot about our different perspectives in life, how we're most likely all having the same problems. Well, besides my beloved brother, we came to a conclusion that his life is empty >.< Nah, he just doesnt share well.
Anyways, I feel blessed to have such an amazing mentor and guidance that I can seek to once in a while, knowing she'll always have a way to make you see the other side of a situation, and the bigger picture of life.
I have yet to find a balance with my logical and emotional self, but I think this is just a phase that everybody goes through. I think so far I'm doing well though, cuz at the end of the day, I can still spit out a string of positive thoughts before I go to sleep.
Even so, I feel sorry for friends who seem to be drowning in their own problems sometimes, I feel helpless that I can't make a difference by saying things and trying to explain how inspiration changed the way I think about stuff, making them feel the way I do. And aunty jackie's passion is one huge chunk of inspiration. Bilden helped me through alot of that soul searching business, how to be free and creative, take life one step at a time, and try not to be overwhelmed by the magnitude of it. (Only we didn't really notice it when we were like 7)
Yih Lin.
19 @ 17th June.
Linst3r[at]gmail[dot]com
LSE Fresher @ the UK.
Dance & Shoes Fanatic.
Camwhore & Eating Machine.
Dont you give me attitude cuz you know I've got more babeh
btw tert, this is ur pink gate LOL
