New hair
New cheongsam
New rack thingy to hold my twinkle-twinks
Possibly need another one of those, its not just shoes I have too many of ;)
Lin crashed
@ 1:30 PM | Permalink |
10 years ago, dinner conversations revolved around their children and people being kidnapped in parking lots.
Today, it still revolves around children (although less), but what came into discussion was kidney stones, blood pressure and of course, miracle herbal remedies.
The only people laughing at the table while the ladies were chattering about various menopausal symptoms were 2 husbands and a 19 year old girl - we clearly do not understand enough to empathize. I find it particularly amusing how us females could manipulate our way through life by using our hormones as an excuse.
Got me thinking, if 35 years later I'd be any different. Maybe I'll wind up having yet another one of my cuckoo phase, and then surely, blaming them on the estrogens (or rather, the lack there of)
Meh. 3 hours of where-are-you-cheahyipeng-when-i-need-you-?.
On another note, what surprised me today was how I still managed to have an apetite after one too many cheongsam fittings for the grandmother's very grand 80th birthday (yes I almost ripped my old one apart, thanks to 'em big bottoms.)
Ipoh Nga Choi Gai
They opened a new branch in Mid Valley. Reminds me of good old days in CHS.
This is the kind of satisfaction that money can't buy.
Lin crashed
@ 4:51 PM | Permalink |
Whether or not you believe in Fate comes down to one thing: who you blame when something goes wrong? Do you think it's your fault - that if you'd tried better, worked harder, it wouldn't have happened? Or do you just chalk it up to circumstance?
-19 Minutes, Jodi Picoult.
The thing is, I always believe that what you get is what you earn. I'd never hesitate to look at person who does no work and secretly think that he deserved it, even though I might be less harsh in expressing myself right at his face.
Come exam period, I've learnt that most of my friends in halls put in half the effort compared to myself and the rest of my Asian friends. While we were at the library slaving away, they were out partying at Mahiki or some other random hotspot, drinking and dancing, carefree, like there were no other worries in the world.
Although the next day, they do come to me and tell me they are screwed.
What I tell them is , "Don't worry about it, you won't fail."
However, what I told myself was "This is why there are people who get firsts, and people who retake first year".
Queitly in my own time, I am relieved. Because in the end when I thought about it - Really, how badly could I do, if I'm putting in this much effort in my work in comparison to these people?
That was always how it worked. I think that if people wanted it enough, they would always get what they want, eventually.
But, what if?
What if you've read the whole text book cover to cover, twice, made notes, highlighted. And then, realise you still don't understand the concepts.
Even worse, what if - you walk into the exam hall thinking: Yeah, I'm so going to nail this... Only to open up the first page of the exam sheet realising you do not understand what you're even being asked for.
What if something go wrong?
What if Determination didn't pay off?
What if Patience didn't pay off?
What if whatever you do (that makes sense) in order to achieve what you want, doesn't matter?
That in the end, someone else who hasnt done quite as much as yourself, get what they want, but you don't?
What do you do?
Do you wait it out some more? Do you try again? Do you give up? Or do you try to track back and weed out what you've done not quite so right that you thought you have?
What if you've done things differently?
What if you didn't flap those wings and cause a storm at the other side of the sea?
What if you are the weed at someone's doorstep waiting to be thrown out?
Life is what happens when all the what-ifs didn't come true, when what you dreamed or hoped or feared might come to pass passed by instead.
I dont think I know what to expect anymore, in both circumstances which I am now standing here, waiting.
I remember hearing in a chapel service, about how waiting is the most difficult part. When you expect something, but it isn't quite here yet. And whatever you do now wouldn't change how things would turn out to be.
But I think it doesn't have to do with how long you wait.
Like, results will be out on the 15th of July, and I know, come that day I will be in front of my computer refreshing the screen at however quick my index finger takes me.
But what if there wasn't a deadline to waiting? All you can do is wait, and not know wether something'll happen or that when eventually it does happen, you don't know.
Will it be good, or bad?
But even if its bad, is really that bad?
I've seen how bad things happen reminded me of how good things are supposed to be like. How I'm happier than what I could have been, and how little the things are that I appreciate.
Maybe that's how its meant to work.
And maybe, in the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you do.
All you can do is keep those fingers crossed.
Lin crashed
@ 10:53 AM | Permalink |
Because sometimes talking doesn't help. When there's nothing left to be enlightened about, you'll never be able to understand it better. It's not like I never tried. I know things have been complicated and I never made it easy. But it's come to the point where the pile of questions I have is growing exponentially, and the person with the answers can't explain his predicament in any other ways for me to understand it better. In other words, what's the point of discussing a problem which holds no solution?
Hence I've stopped talking/discussing/whining about it.
Everytime I think about it, I just feel conflicted.
It aches.
It tastes of sour and bitterness that sinks into the pit of my stomach.
But I guess I'll get used to it.
I'll get used to never being able to understand how this all happened.
Where the heck did all my positive energy go?
Have yet to find a way to pack up my happiness in a box and have a little whiff of it whenever I'm hopeless like this. The same way I can pick up a Vicks inhaler from the pockets of every single handbag I own everytime I got a bit sniffly.
I remember the day I was skipping up Passfield staircases telling Charmaine that I am so happy that I can die dot com. It wasn't too long ago, but now that joy seems to me to be based on such silly grounds that lately have turned so stale and vague. All I feel now about the exact same thing is just agitation and doubt. How could I have been so sure?
It's difficult to be hopeful when Mr. Optimist isn't too optimistic himself.
Oh well, I guess all I can do is be patient.
After all, we're really not in a rush now.
Or are we?
Lin crashed
@ 7:56 PM | Permalink |
But home sweet home here I come!
Lin crashed
@ 12:26 AM | Permalink |
Cape Gkreko, Cyprus.
In the midst of discovering breath-taking scenery, I have journeyed yet another year towards adulthood. And closer towards understanding how many things cannot be control, no matter how perfect my scheming and obsessive planning may be. Like how the natural sunlight makes a picture the way it is, which cannot be reproduced by a million artificial flashes in the dark. Some things are just out of our control, and most of them do happen for a reason.
I've seen this reason unfold, and I'm actually kind of liking it ;)
Lin crashed
@ 3:19 PM | Permalink |
And every single day dreams do come true.
One day we'll name her Jenna.
Jenna Chew :)
Though a couple bottles of bubblies in the mean time won't hurt ;)
Lin crashed
@ 11:46 AM | Permalink |
its summer lovin baby :)
Lin crashed
@ 4:22 AM | Permalink |
FREEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
its only ONE MORE DAY. 24 hours. this time tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!
Mom reckons there will be pirates kidnapping us in Cyprus. HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
sounds like peter pan in neverneverland~
I AM GOING
Time to get ready for bikiniiii seasooonnnn :)
Here's to proper workout/dance session, getting those flabbies sorted and showing em off in sexy crop tops.
Not forgetting many many many bottles of bubblies ;)
Lin crashed
@ 5:16 PM | Permalink |
or procrastination? denial.
Today I've done, nothing
besides shop, eat, manicure, sleep, facial, watch friends, and.... cut my own fringe.
All when I'm supposed to be studying for stats.
Oh well.
No hardwork gets credited.
So why should I?
Lin crashed
@ 10:12 PM | Permalink |
Apparently, in university, hard work does NOT pay off.
All the credits go to smartalecs and geniuses who manage to pluck proofs out of thin air and calculatefreakingprofalwynyoung'ssalary.
Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.
Lin crashed
@ 9:21 PM | Permalink |
Half an hour of internet break before heading down to dinner.
Caffeine and sugar giving me massive up and downs/dual possibly quadriple personality splits.
What to do?
It's the gemini twin.
I miss my friends.
I miss knowing absolutely everything about the people I care about.
I miss knowing about who doesn't eat mushrooms/pickles/durians and hate to pee and public toilets.
Feels like we've gone further down different forks,
Stressing about different exams, worrying about the cold in different seasons.
Missing you aussie people.
On another note,
The good thing is, I've stopped wondering what went wrong.
Stopped being in denial.
Not just because our star signs dont match, although partly due to that.
But the detailed description of how it was meant to be, read out loud, was too real.
And also, I need to.
I've come to terms with that.
Going on my search for my perfect Libran to enrich my life.
To see both sides of that Gemini.
After my papers, that is.
But knowing him he'd probably be just somewhere out there being bloody indecisive.
My stomach is growling.
I wanna go home and have proper Malaysian Curry Chicken.
Lin crashed
@ 6:17 PM | Permalink |
We're all just slaves to reseptors.
Human senses.
Sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch.
And its always the least obvious one that catches us offgaurd, no?
Why is it that we let how we feel make the decisions.
Why is it that the familiar little details always creep back up on us whenever we feel the slightest optimism?
And of course, when I say we, I actually do mean "I".
It's unfair to generalise.
Maybe this doesn't happen to us,
just to I.
Maybe I'm alot weaker than everyone else than I thought.
Lin crashed
@ 3:04 AM | Permalink |
I still don't understand how a person could cut someone that he/she spent everysingle day with just like that. It's like losing a limb. Do you feel disabled somehow,when you do that? Is it possible to simply amputate a part of yourself and not feel it hurt at all?
Honestly, I could shamefully admit that I've done horrible things like that, but only to a certain extent, and for the right reasons. And I do make my reasons clear, knowing if I don't explain myself things will hurt badly on the other end.
But how do you wake up one day and decide that, you don't care anymore? Simply, just flick your mind to a different channel, put things in a box and pack them away.
I've always admired people who are able to "partition" their minds (abstract maths talking lol), concentrate on things that they are doing, even if that means all attempts to multitask fails.
I guess thats why boys are less emotional. They can partition the things in their head, like when a football game is on then everything other than the "sports zone" is braindead.
Us ladies can multitask but are we just as focused?
I feel like I'm just distracted all the time. One way or the other, while doing Maths problems I'm distracting myself from PMS-ing, while listening to music I'm sort of half listening but still doing maths, and then playing pocket god/taptap on my phone in the library a distraction from work altogether.
Still in the midst of all those, occasionally I get a soft spot of failed determination, and some part of a heartache seep in.
Failure.
Sigh.
Need to get focused, and get work done.
Lin crashed
@ 2:40 AM | Permalink |
Missing you aussie people.
