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“Goodbye” really is the most difficult word to utter. Leaving this place of my childhood memories, of all friendships, love, joy, sorrow… This place. Will I ever come back again? Will those memories, those special moments what it seemed, just fade away like that?
“Remember to send me postcards.” A familiar voice snapped me back to reality, to the bustling business of the airport. His sincere eyes so hypnotizing, with a slight sign of weariness, worried, yet so innocent.
I sighed, and then like any other time, brought myself to smile cheerfully. “I’d spam your mailbox with those for sure.”
He chuckled, “Guess I’ll have hire a PA to sort those out for me huh?”
“Oh. Anytime. You could even get one of those anti-spam mailboxes. You know… like make the postman hate you and he’ll tear up all of your letters and postcards! HAHA.”
He glared at me.
Shit.
“Um… Okay, not funny.”
Chris, my bestest friend in the entire universe. Every single time I recall the way he screwed up as a part-time postman, I can’t help but laugh about it. Unfortunately, the teasing had gone a bit overboard, and I started annoying the shit out of him. Cheeses. I just couldn’t get any lamer by day.
Going through my teenage years was pretty tough. What with an unsupportive broken family, and a not-so-happening social life, people backstabbing, bitching, gossiping about me; I’ve even got sabotaged a few times, having people scribble unpleasant things on my books and playing evil pranks on me.
Having Chris in my life, made all of the difference. He was my companion, my soul mate, a person I could count on. He was there for me to rant, to comfort me, to make me realise that I’m not alone in this world. Helping me through endless obstacles, catching me when the world felt like it was crashing down on me, not to mention, taught me how beautiful love is.
While he helped me with my luggage, a silent evil grin spread across his face.
“What’s so funny?” I glowered at him, scrutinizing his expression. He looked at me, and smiled wider. Sinister.
I continued glowering at him, until he burst out laughing.
What. The.
Rolling my eyes in the most obvious way ever, I mustered all the sarcasm that can ever be put in a single syllable. “Boys.”
Chris, isn’t exactly every girl’s romantic prince charming. Yet, despite his immature passion for wrestling as entertainment, he is probably the most understanding and caring person I’ve met. A unique sense of humour with a blend of trying-too-hard-to-be-cool, he turns out to be laid back and adorable in a way. Attractive, too.
There’s always a joke for any occasion when it comes to Chris. No matter how tensed the atmosphere, how stressful things are, he’ll crack up something to lighten up the mood. Never runs out of silly ideas.
I stole a glance at him as I put the air ticket and passport back into my first Louis Vuitton handbag, a present from my dad for being a lousy father. At the corner of my eye, I realised he was stoning, staring off at space, brows slightly furrowed, obviously concentrated on his thoughts. I smacked him on his arms, giving him a slight pursed lip expression. He gazed warmly at me, and smiled. That moment seemed like forever.
As if he could mind-read, he took me in his arms and said, “I……’m sure you’ll kick ass in London.”
Shaddap la idiot. You just ruined my happy moment.
“I’ll kick your butt, goob.”
“Goob?”
“Its an endearment, means I like you alot.”
And, I’ll miss you, too.
*
I’ve wondered if I’ve ever meet a person like him again. I’ve wondered if anyone else could know me inside-out the way he does. I’ve wondered if I can ever trust a person like I trusted him.
Then I realised, it is fate that met us both. There is no other person like him, and that I don’t need another Chris to make my life complete. It already is.
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, daydreaming off to a million lightyears away about sweet corny phrases, of little episodes of a perfect love story. I dreamt of outrageous romantic moments that have no place in reality. I dreamt of a perfect man, cute, broad shoulders, mesmerizing eyes and all that.. I dreamt of him, telling me all the things that I wished to hear, showering me with gifts that will melt any girl’s heart. My perfect get away.
“I’ve got something for you.”
My heart raced.
“What is it?” I asked, unable to hide my anticipation.
He took out a small aquamarine box, meekly handed it to me.
“Am I supposed to open it now?”
“Anything lor… if you want to…” His eyes half closed, thin lips with a bored look on his face.
I hesitated a little, then carefully opened the small delicate box. Having watched way too many chick flicks…
I know what it is!
Tiffany’s. “Oh. My God.”
Left speechless, I flipped the heart locket to the back. There was a printed inscription. He got it personalised. Wow.
“J & C. Friends Forever.”
I gaped at it.
Hopeless romantic… Not so hopeless after all.
***
Of course I kept it.
But thinking back about it now, all I can say is “Gosh! The disgustingly corny things people do when they are 16!”
It’s been 10 years. Chris and I never saw each other for 10 long years. We tried to keep in touch, but somehow along the way, we lost contact. I was too busy with my heavily demanding work at UNICEF and managing the dance studio and he hadn’t exactly had the financial ability to come visit me. He probably spent it all on that bracelet when he was 16! (Ha, aren’t I funny.) The last time I heard from him, he was busy learning to cook. Cook. Nope, doesn’t sound right. But even after being showered with presents by lovely family members, friends and ex-boyfriends, that Tiffany never left my wrist. The silver, never lost its shine, it looks almost as good as new. Well, just a whole lot of scratches and dents.
*
“Honey, its just 7 in the morning…its Sunday…”
Frustrated having my knight-in-shining-amour comes to sweep me off my feet moment (old habits never die) interrupted by Kyle, I tried to push him away. But his big innocent brown eyes stared upon me like a lost puppy begging for food.
“Wake up, mommy! Wake up!” he kept nudging me. His efforts pretty much useless, being the lazy pig that I am, I would refuse to budge even if aliens invade. I curled up into a ball and pulled my duvet over my head.
“Someone… the door… ring… bell… wake up…”
“What is it Kyle!?” finally snapping to my senses.
He looked abit dejected, sensing the irritation in my voice. “Someone... at... door.”
“What?”
Before I even manage to compose myself, the door bell rang again. Cursing under my breath, I reluctantly got off my bed, put on my furry slippers, picked Kyle up, and headed for the door.
“Gude mowning mommy” Kyle said, flashing his big sunshiny smile at me.
I stopped at my tracks. Gosh. He is so. Adorable. “Mornin’ sweetie”. I gave him a peck on his large forehead.
Ding-dong.
“Yes, Yes. I’m coming!”
Stunned, I almost dropped Kyle (touch wood!) as I opened the wooden door of my small apartment.
“Chris?”
“Hello Jace. Good morning, and Happy Birthday!”
I stared. Jaw-wide-open-tongue-rolling-out stare. .
“Hi, uh... Chris. Thanks. And uh… what are u doing here?”
“Well, it’s my best friend’s birthday. Why shouldn’t I be here?”
“Right. Very nice of you and wow. Flowers, they're gorgeous..." and my favourite lilies. "Thanks, Chris. Uh… this is Kyle. Erm.. Kyle, say hello to Chris.”
“Hewwo Kwis.”
“Hello you little man, how are you?”
Silence.
“So are you gonna let me in or do you want me to stay out here all day?”
“ Oh my. Just hold on a sec will ya?”
As I grabbed the keys, I stole a look into the mirror at the console. My eye bags were sagging, my hair was all over the place. And I think there’s a patch of drool over my shoulder. Christ, how did it get there? Oh right, thanks Kyle for drooling all over me. This is just perfect.
I fumbled with the keys for a bit too long, but finally, it got in, and clicked. Relieved, I swung the steel door open, careful not to meet his eyes. Too many thoughts, too many questions.
“Come on in.” Hesitating wether I should give him a hug, I put Kyle down on the floor. He leaned over and gave me a peck on both cheeks. My face grew warm, yet I somehow sensed a slight uneasiness in him too.
“Could you sit with Kyle for a little while, I’ll go clean up myself, I look a mess.”
“Oh, sure... And by the way, you look beautiful.”
“Uh, thanks.” Hiding my embarrassment, I forced a quick smile, and went in my room.
Chris was playing wrestle with Kyle when I was finally ready to come out again. He’d make a wonderful father, I can’t help thinking.
He saw me and stopped playing with Kyle. He held his gaze as he stood up. Suddenly, his eyes just flickered back down on the floor.
It was an awkward moment that lasted for what unmistakably was eternity, till he finally blurted out, “So… where’s Kyle’s dad?” a tad bit too enthusiastically, flashing a forceful twitch of his lips.
“Oh… that.” I said, unable to hide the playful smile that crept across my face.
He looked confused, waiting for an answer.
“He’s at Paris with Kyle’s mom, celebrating their anniversary.”
“Sorry? You’ve just completely lost me.” he looked so confused it took me so much effort to stop myself from bursting out laughing.
“They went off for a weekend vacation and left Kyle with me, Mel and xxxx that is... They should be back today.”
Relieved with the information, Chris grinned ridiculously, like a silly little 5 year old child who’s just got a new pet dog.
“Kyle, their kid?”
“Yeap, and I’m Kyle’s proud ‘godmommy’.” I punched Chris on his biceps. Ouch. I had a glimpse of the days of immature arm wrestlings that we had more than a decade ago. They’re alot harder than I’ve remembered.
“Right. Mel better be back soon then, it’s Princess Jace’s big birthday, and Chris, is here to cook breakfast for you.”
“Funny, I’ve never had home-cooked breakfast for the past few years on so called big birthday. And, you. COOK?” I raised my eyebrow mockingly.
“Oh, you do not underestimate me. Good ol’ Chris is now master chef in a bloody 5 star restaurant, okay?”
“Huh. Seriously.” I said, not bothering to cover up the sarcasm in my tone.
We both cracked up. Just like the good old days.
***
“Linnie Binnie… HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR! Oh… is that breakfast I smell? Mmmmmm…… Finally you’re putting that kitchen of yours to good use huh?” Standing at the doorstep, was Mel, my darling hunnie bunnie. And of course, her silent husband that speaks so little he hardly seemed to exist. Whatever. They say, opposites attract, huh?
“Thank you darling, finally back eh? Kyle’s been missing his mommy and daddy a whole lot.”
“Mommmmmyyyyyy……” Kyle came rushing into Mel’s arms. Despite how little that 4 year old kiddo was, he almost knocked Mel over. Little children, charged with incredible amounts of energy.
“Hello sweetie, you missed mommy huh? Mommy bought you sweets from the airport, only if you be good.” She flashed a sweet loving smile, “ So tell me, has godmommy here been torturing you with her horrible cooking for the past few days. What in the world did you do to make her cook breakfast? On a… Sunday Morning?”
“Mommy not cooking. It’s Kwis.”
“Kwis…? What sorry wh.... Ohhhhh.... Chris…? What?” I swear Mel’s pupil just grew thrice its usual size. “Chris as in The Chris?”
“Uh.. Yeah. He’s in the kitchen. Cooking his ‘signature’ dish.”
“Chris, Here? London? Your apartment? Cooking…? Please tell me you're kidding?”
“Well, shouldn’t you go see for yourself? It’s one of the 7 wonders in the world. Well... Eight, now that...” I flicked my finger towards the kitchen and shrugged nonchalantly.
***
It was a late September evening, the sunlight peeking through the canopy of orange and brown leaves in Hyde Park. Every corner you turn, there was yet another pair of them, holding hands, cuddling, or even… sticking their tongues down their lover’s throat. Eww, get a room.
I fiddled with the ruby ring on my finger as I racked my brains to think of something to break the ice.
“It’s pretty cold huh?” Tugging on my brand new Burberry jacket and crossing my arms out front, trying to look relaxed.
“Yeah, it is.”
Okay, not much of conversation going on here. But hey, what was that about silence is golden?
A bunch of teenagers on their skates swooshed by, almost knocking over a pale looking blond girl, very much a teenager herself. A guy in a gorgeous green cashmere sweater looked over with an apologetic smile, his green eyes hinting a glint of perfection, the kind of glint that was almost magical, from a fairytale that a younger version of me would have fallen for. Those were the days…
Chris and I sat down at a bench, taking in the beautiful scenery of the pale orange trace of light in the sky. He had brought along a double blended Mocha Frappucino, a personal favourite of mine ever since I was in the age of a rebel wannabe. It’s funny how some things never change, and some people would always know what’s right for you.
A chilly breeze swept by, sending goose bumps up my spines. As though reading my mind, Chris raised his arms over and gave me a nice warm squeeze. He rested his arms on my shoulders, and he pulled me closer as I rested my head on his broad shoulders. 10 years, freaking 10 years, yet I never thought that I’ve had missed him that badly.
I tilted my head and lay in his chest, feeling it heave up and down peacefully. His deep brown eyes never looked so intense, like the time he looked at me what seems years ago, back when we were carefree and fearless - The time when I stood by watching him from afar fiddling with his locker key as I watched him play Frisbee in the football field, the time when all his friends were not total cows and he didn’t need to act like one when he was with them.
Those memories rushed back to me, filling me with content, peacefulness, and yet a slight hint of regret, regretting that I’ve let him go when he held my hand, let him down when he opened up to me, letting myself fall in love with a person that is so right for me, that I didn’t believe it was true. Afterall, life is, so, unfair.
I went through the painful years, thinking that he doesn’t care anymore, only to convince myself that I was proven right, again and again. Yet, he knew what I needed most, he was there only when I hit the bottom rock, a situation that no other friend could have handled me, or say the right words that he does all the time.
I realised, through his brown eyes, that love never really fades no matter how much you try to wave it away. At the age of 14, I found someone that thoroughly knows me inside out, someone I could communicate with without words, someone that I would always, always forgive no matter how mad I was at him. He was probably the first and only person I’ve fallen for, only to realise that he won’t be there to catch me anymore, but to let me fall and stand up myself again.
“I love you.” My voice came out as a silent whisper.
He gulped, reached over to the bracelet on my wrist, and sorrowfully looked away. An answer that need no other words to explain – friends forever.
It hurts sometimes, to know that, love doesn’t conquer all, especially the things that are not meant to be. But then again, the cruel truth is - even love isn’t perfect.
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